It's An Adventure, Right? Right? Old Version
by Shockz
Summary: As if the cast of Evangelion wasn't screwed up enough, enter Haruhi Suzumiya: Fifth Child, possible deity, and further proof that Second Impact killed all the psychologists. Dead; see story with same title marked "New Version".
1. Meeting

It's An Adventure, Right?...Right?

"Commander Ikari! We've just received a message from Second Branch."

The sudden interruption roused Gendo Ikari out of his thoughts."Yes? What is it?" He stared down the young lieutenant expectantly.

He hadn't intended to sound annoyed, but the lieutenant's voice took on a somewhat nervous tone nonetheless as he read off the message. "Er, the Nevada team has successfully performed a power-up test with Evangelion Unit 04, using the superconducting solenoid engine obtained from the Fourth Angel. Apparently, the test, quote, 'succeeded beyond our wildest expectations'. The report also states that Unit 04 is almost complete and 95% functional."

Gendo blinked twice. "That is...excellent news. Unit 03 is also nearing completion, correct?"

"Yessir." The lieutenant's face betrayed his relief at not being...whatever he had expected to happen to him for interrupting the commander's thoughts. Gendo was always somewhat confused at soldiers who showed such fear of him; as far as he knew, he had done nothing—that they would know about—to justify it. "First Branch is finishing work on the synchro matrix; it should be done within the week. They are also working on an early prototype for an artificial S2."

"Very good. Relay to them that Units 03 and 04 are to be airlifted to Tokyo-3 immediately upon their completion. Also, pass on my recommendation that the MIT team shift priority to the S2 project."

"Yes, Commander." The officer saluted and left the office, trying admirably hard to look like he wasn't hurrying.

Gendo leaned back in his chair and examined the Tree of Life engraved on his office ceiling. _An Evangelion with an S2 engine_..._the fruit of knowledge combined with the fruit of life_. _The power of God in human hands_. It was irrelevant to his ultimate plan, of course—the only Evangelion he cared about was Unit 01, and that would have to wait until the researchers managed to duplicate the S2 effect on their own—but SEELE and the Committee would no doubt be extremely displeased with this turn of events.

It was strange, though. True, the Nevada team had had a far greater chance of blowing themselves up than of actually making the S2 work, but he had been certain that SEELE would not leave such a matter up to chance. An organization as powerful as them certainly would have had the ability to..._ensure_ the Nevada team's failure. SEELE evidently thought likewise, given that the latest version of the Scenario did not take the captured S2 engine into account. But apparently, the Nevada team—and indeed, a large portion of the population of Nevada—had gotten tremendously lucky in that respect.

His curiosity piqued, he decided to ask about that the next time he spoke with the Committee. He didn't expect a straight answer, of course—those old fools at least had the common sense not to trust him any more than he trusted them—but he might be able to find _something _out.

However, it was all, again, ultimately irrelevant. _His _plan progressed unopposed. _Soon, Yui_..._soon_.

* * *

_Don't run away, don't run away, don't run away, don't run away_...

That was the only thing Shinji could think, as the face of one of his classmates filled his vision. If she was wearing any other expression, he would assume she was trying to do a little bit more than just violate his personal space...but no, the girl—whose name he could not remember at all—had twisted her face into something that was halfway between a death glare and a look of absolute boredom, and she wasn't moving any closer.

Shinji was no stranger to panicking. When you fought gigantic, unearthly beings made of waveform matter and shapeshifting crystals and quantum reverse shadows (the latter of which he had only fought—well, more like been interrogated by—two days ago) that all _really, really wanted to kill __you_ for a living, you had every right to panic—or at least that's what he told himself. But the figure in front of him was a perfectly normal (and quite beautiful) brown-haired, brown-eyed girl his age, so why was she making every nerve in his body scream _RUN AWAY RIGHT NOW_ like he was facing the Third Angel for the first time?

Finally, he managed to stutter something out. "Uh...w-what are you doing?"

The girl blinked and moved back a bit. "Focusing positive energy into your mind."

"W-what?"

The girl pulled back further and sighed, as if explaining something to a small child. "You looked really down-in-the-dumps. I don't know what happened when you fought that last Angel, but I figured you could use a direct shot of cheerfulness to the brain. So I decided to transfer some to you. So? Did it work? You should be feeling more cheerful now."

_What is with this girl? _Shinji let out an awkward sort of half-chuckle and took a couple of steps further back. "Uh, yeah! Much more cheerful! Uh, thanks, uh..."

"You don't even remember my name?" Shinji nearly flinched at the tone; it would have gone well with one of Asuka's _ANTA BAKA_s. "Su-zu-" For a second, Shinji thought she was going to say "Suzuhara"; was this the hospitalized sister Toji had mentioned? But that didn't make any sense... "-mi-ya Ha-ru-hi." _Oh_. "And that's the last time I'm going to say it, so don't forget it again."

"Uh, okay. Thank you, Suzumiya-san..." But she was already walking away, towards something else that had caught her stood there for a moment, trying to process what had just happened. The strange girl was now examining several different club fliers posted on a nearby door.

"So Suzumiya-san finally talked to someone. How'd you get her to open up?" Shinji almost jumped at the voice coming from right by his ear. He turned to face Hikari Horaki.

"Oh! Hi, Class Rep. I, uh, didn't see you ."

"I could tell. You looked pretty fascinated there. It's funny...I don't even know how many boys have tried to ask her out, but she's just given them the silent treatment. And then she just walks right up to you and starts up."

"She just sort of stared at me for a while before she started talking. Does she do that kind of thing a lot?"

"Not really, no...that's right, you weren't here when the school year started, were you? You missed The Introduction." Seeing Shinji's confused look, Hikari continued. "On the first day of classes, when the teacher asked us all to introduce ourselves, Suzumiya-san said out loud—to the entire class!--that she had no interest in meeting anyone, and that everyone should just leave her alone." She shook her head. "She was just very, very quiet after that. Avoided people when she could, talked as little as possible when she couldn't. Almost like Ayanami-san, actually, but a lot grumpier. I guess even she could only hold out against the charms of the big, tough Eva pilot for so long, though," she said with a knowing smile.

"I don't think—"

"Just remember the rules about public displays of affection, ne?" With that bit of friendly advice—or dead serious warning; it was difficult to tell with Hikari sometimes—she walked off, presumably to the lunchroom.

* * *

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi's nerves were beginning to fray just a bit. First there were the usual things—the continuing Angel attacks, the secret behind the Evangelions and the knowledge that NERV really had almost no control over them, the fact that both of the above continued to flagrantly violate every single law of physics she could think of, and the knowledge that her boss (among other...roles) was secretly working for an almost century-old conspiracy whose motives remained _completely_ unknown to her. And then there were the little things. Like Misato going off God-knows-where, leaving her with the job of telling two bratty teenagers they were being effectively drafted.

The school principal was well aware of the situation with Class 2-A, of course. And so it was his office that she sat in as she waited for the Fourth and Fifth Children to show up.

They arrived a couple minutes later, both their faces appearing slightly worried at this sudden call to the principal's office. She would have recognized their faces immediately even if she didn't have the files on hand: Toji Suzuhara and Haruhi Suzumiya. Both had fathers working at NERV, and both of their mothers...well, Ritsuko would never forget _those_ faces. She managed to put on her warmest smile ( i.e., one that approximated the temperature of a Siberian blizzard rather than that of liquid nitrogen) and said "Good afternoon."

Both teenagers politely _good afternoon_'d back.

"Please, have a seat. You're no doubt wondering who I am and why I'm here to talk to you." They didn't say anything, but their expressions made it clear that that was indeed the case. "Allow me to explain. My name is Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, chief of NERV Technical."

Haruhi's face suddenly lit up, but Toji frowned. "You're from NERV? Did something happen to our parents?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I'm here to tell you...how to put this..." _Argh...Misato's so much better than me at talking to kids. Not surprising, really, considering she mostly still is one_. "Based on analysis of your respective personal histories and psychological profiles, it has been determined that you two are both qualified to pilot the experimental NERV weapons platform commonly known as the Evangelion." All _technically_ true. "As of midnight tonight, you will be considered official employees of NERV. If the project continues to be successful, you and your peers will be instrumental in the defense of Tokyo-3 from the threat of the monsters known as Angels. Despite your age, you will, of course, receive a full salary, including combat pay and benefits. Your families have both consented to your participation in the project" --well, 'consented' was stretching it a bit-- "and it is our hope that you will, as well."

Both of them were frowning now. _Nice job, Ritsuko. You went too far with the explanation and now they _know_ something's up_. But then Haruhi's expression shifted into one of dawning comprehension. "So...we're going to be Eva pilots?"

"That's the gist of it." _Here it comes_...

* * *

Rumors that the somewhat unwatered-looking grass in the immediate vicinity of the school spontaneously transformed into lush fields of flowers simultaneously with Haruhi's wordless whoop of joy were dismissed as patently untrue, although some noted that all the gardeners were replaced not long after. Suggestions that seismographs picked up a small-scale earthquake with its epicenter near Tokyo-3 were said to be equally unfounded; it was merely a routine test of the city's underground building retraction system.

* * *

_That was unexpected. _"I'm glad to see you're, er, enthusiastic about this opportunity. I take it you accept, then."

"Oh, hell _yes_! When do I start?" Haruhi was now standing up with a fist raised in the air, apparently oblivious to the (thankfully almost empty) coffee mug she had knocked over.

"You'll be reporting to the Matsushiro testing center next Monday, one week from today." She turned to face the other teenager, who was wincing a bit—no doubt from his proximity to the...noise. "And you, Suzuhara-san?" She said his name as politely as possible, knowing he was going to be a harder sell—he had firsthand evidence of the responsibilities Eva pilots had to bear.

To her surprise, he smiled. "Can't really refuse after _that_. Where do I sign?"

Ritsuko suppressed a sigh of relief. "Nowhere, actually. If you say you want in, you're in." _Less of a paper trail for our "bosses" at the UN to follow_. "Here are some temporary NERV IDs." She handed them each a barcoded sheet of paper from the folder. "You'll get your photo IDs on Monday, but these should get you into any NERV base in the meantime if necessary. Both of you are to report to the address I've written on the back at 9:00 on Monday morning, after which you will be provided transportation to the Matsushiro facility. Any other questions?" She braced herself once again; she couldn't answer the vast majority of the very obvious questions they might have.

Thankfully, they both responded in the negative. Ritsuko guessed that Haruhi was too enthusiastic and Toji too dense for any of those obvious questions to have occurred to them. "All right, then. One last thing—your recruitment into the project is to remain secret until such time as NERV chooses to divulge it to the public. Mentioning it to anybody except your immediate family is grounds for immediate expulsion from the project."

Haruhi looked disappointed. "Not even the other Eva pilots?"

_You shouldn't even have known they were Eva pilots. But Shinji couldn't keep his mouth shut, and Asuka only made it even worse...it's a miracle nobody's figured out the connection yet._ "For now, yes. Back to class with you, and I will see you on Monday."

After they had left, Ritsuko finally dropped the smile, pulled out and lit a cigarette, and wondered—not for the first time—when it was, exactly, that she had abandoned the last of her humanity.

* * *

If Haruhi had been unusually happy and outgoing that day, she was positively _radiating _joy for the rest of the week. Those who had noticed her 'close encounter' with Shinji (and those who they spread the rumors to...meaning the whole school, eventually) gave him more than a few suspicious looks, to which he could only respond with a bemused shrug. Though she indeed talked to him a few more times, her attentions seemed equally divided among pretty much everyone she met (he witnessed her attempting to get a conversation out of Rei for five full minutes before she gave up); if anything, she seemed to be talking to _Toji_ more than anyone else. Not to mention that a good portion of her free time was apparently spent trying out every single club in the school, then quitting immediately thereafter. By Friday she had gone through the anime club, the literature club, softball tryouts, the computer club, and—bizarrely enough—the Tabletop Games club. (Shinji himself had gone to that once on a whim—they all seemed to be interested in some kind of futuristic and expensive-looking wargame involving heavily armored men with chainsaw swords. He had quietly excused himself after a few minutes, never having much interest in that kind of thing.) Come Friday afternoon, Hikari became the first to go beyond mere looks and confront him directly:

"What did you _do_ to Suzumiya?"

"Oh...Class Rep." The way she could come up out of nowhere reminded him a bit of an old gag he remembered from his sensei's rather eclectic video collection. Something about the Spanish something-or-other...he'd remember it later. "I'm not totally sure what you mean..."

"I mean how as soon as you talked to her, she immediately turned into this crazed, hyper-genki..." Hikari gestured towards Haruhi, unable to find a word to sum her up. The crazed hyper-genki something herself was currently examining a music club flier with an evil-looking smile on her face.

"I honestly don't know, Horaki-san. She actually hasn't even talked to me that much since then. There's...uh, nothing_ between_ us, if that's what you're asking."

"Oh, I know." She shot a glare at Haruhi, now talking to...Toji. _Oh_. "I was just wondering if you might have said anything to her that might have caused this."

"Not that I know of," he answered honestly.

"Hm. Well, then." She gave him a _very _suspicious look. "I suppose it's a mystery." With that, she walked...no, _marched _off, no doubt looking for someone to chew out over a minor rule infraction; Shinji was left feeling vaguely guilty for no discernible reason.

* * *

_"This is Ecto 6-4, calling Neopath 3-0-0 and 4-0-0. Confirm cumulonimbus clouds in your immediate flight path. Over."_

_"This is Neopath 4-0-0. Cumulonimbus confirmed. Barometer indicates no hazard. Will maintain course, expect to arrive on schedule. Over."_

_"This is Neopath 3-0-0. I've got a bad feeling about that cloud; will divert course around it, recommend 4-0-0 does same. Should not delay arrival more than ten minutes. Over."_

_"This is Neopath 4-0-0; no bad feelings here. Will maintain course. Over._

_"This is Ecto 6-4. Roger and out."

* * *

_

Author's Notes: This first chapter might look a little, er, _familiar_. As will the next couple chapters. As those of you who were following it may have noticed, the old version of this story is gone. Poof. Baleeted. I'm rewriting it from the top for a variety of reasons:

-My goals for the story (especially the ending) changed midway through, and I was unable to reconcile the existing material with the new goals without making some plot sacrifices I wasn't willing to make.

-I gave Haruhi's backstory in a tl;dr, nearly contextless infodump and put many of the scenes from her perspective. Big mistake; the reasons why should be obvious to anyone who's seen _Melancholy_ or read the novels. So this version will be set from pretty much anyone but Haruhi's perspective whenever possible. (Primarily Shinji's, but expect the other Children, Ritsuko, and Misato to get decent chunks as well.)

-I'm taking one reviewer's advice on how to improve the story in general—basically making it more detailed.

-Haruhi as I was writing her wasn't Haruhitastic enough. Not enough genki, not enough blatant disregard for the rules, not enough hey-let's-go-dress-up-in-bunny-suits-and-ROCK-for-the-lulz, and waaaaay too nice and considerate.

One last thing: My apologies for the rather unsubtle little jabs at my two favorite Evangelion crossovers. As compensation, I will now give them free advertisement: _Shinji and Warhammer40K _and _Thousand Shinji_. Go read them. Now. They're better than what I write. (I plan to change that eventually. To that end, C2A2: Constructive Criticism Always Appreciated!)

EDIT: I haven't seen Evangelion in a while, so despite doing a lot of research on the (complicated to the point of absurdity) backstory, I occasionally miss very simple things. Like, for example, the fact that SEELE _didn't_ want an S2-equipped Eva out there. Gendo's prediction about their reaction has now been fixed.


	2. Awakening

"What the hell _happened_ out there?"

Ritsuko had woken up in a hospital bed a few minutes before to find Misato keeping her company; after establishing that it was approximately 1 AM on Tuesday morning, and that she'd been unconscious for several hours, bits and pieces of the insanity that had led to that unconsciousness began to return to her memory.

Misato hesitated. "A lot of things. Most of which you probably don't want to hear right now--"

As soon as she heard that, it naturally became absolutely vital for Ritsuko to know the exact details of that day's events. And Misato was the only person she could trust to give her the truth—the woman was too honest for her own good sometimes. "No. I want to hear everything. Starting from the beginning—you picking up the Children."

The dark-haired woman shrugged. "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you..."

* * *

Misato woke up late that day, and as a result had to rush to the pickup point at a somewhat unsafe speed. (She was vaguely aware that what she considered to be a "somewhat unsafe speed" would be considered a violation of various traffic regulations, common sense, sanity, and possibly the laws of physics by most people, but she never let that bother her too much.) Add that to the fact that she was driving a heavy, ungainly NERV armored transport instead of her coupe, and it was a miracle that any serious accidents were avoided.

Toji and Haruhi were waiting for her; judging by the way Toji was looking at his watch, they had been waiting for quite some time.

"Toji-kun! And you must be Haruhi." She opened up the passenger-side door and waved to the two teenagers as she pulled up alongside the sidewalk. The Fifth Child nodded back, then not-very-subtly suppressed a yawn. That and her slightly bleary eyes hinted that she probably hadn't gotten very much sleep the night before. "I'm Major Misato Katsuragi, director of NERV Tactical; my superiors would prefer that you called me 'Major Katsuragi', but you can just call me Misato if you want." Misato hoped that allowing such familiarity would help ease any potential tension.

Haruhi kind of vaguely half-nodded, half-bowed back. "Niceameeshya." The girl was clearly on the edge of falling back asleep; thankfully, the ride to Matsushiro was long enough that she would have the opportunity to do just that. A shame, though: Misato had planned to give them both a bit of a briefing on the way.

The trip was therefore spent mostly in silence. At one point, Misato asked Toji if he knew why Haruhi was so tired; he didn't know for sure, but speculated that sheer anticipation had kept her up all night. "'Cause, y'know, she's been hyper like ya wouldn't believe ever since whatshername...the blond scientist chick...?"

"Ritsuko? Dr. Akagi?" Despite her determination to act casual with the two new Children, Misato was a little startled to hear her friend referred to as 'the blond scientist chick'.

"Akagi, that was it. Ever since Dr. Akagi came 'n talked to us, Suzumiya's been runnin' around like some kinda demon. She really, _really_ likes the idea of being an Eva pilot, I can tell ya that."

Something in his tone of voice... "And what about you? Don't you want to be an Eva pilot? Save the world and all that?"

Toji seemed to stop and think for a moment. "...I s'pose. I dunno. It's just that, I've been in there. I was in the cockpit with Ikari when he fought off the big...snake thing. I got an idea of how much power you have...how much responsibility you have to bear. I guess I dunno if I'm up to the task."

"Don't worry, Toji-kun, you are. You absolutely are," Misato replied.

* * *

"Did you mean it?"

Misato stared at Ritsuko. "I'm sorry?"

"Did you mean it when you told Toji he was up to the task?"

"I thought you wanted to find out what happened, not...psychoanalyze me or something."

"I'm sorry. The question just kind of popped into my head."

"It's all right." Misato looked away from Ritsuko for a moment. "I think I did. I mean, there wasn't any reason to believe he wouldn't be...but then again, are any of the pilots 'up to the task'? They're _children_, Ritsuko. Just...kids, and look what we're making them do..."

"Misato, we have no choice. You know that."

"Yes. I...I know. Back to the story, then..."

* * *

Nobody really spoke again for the remainder of the trip. When they arrived at the Matsushiro facility, Toji tried to gently wake up Haruhi. The girl's eyes sprang open, showing none of the previous bleariness, and she nearly jumped out of the car with a shout of "AWESOME! WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE!" Misato watched with something like awe. _Nobody_ could wake up that fast, even from a nap in the car.

As it turned out, Haruhi's enthusiasm was premature; the two C-350 transports had been delayed several hours due to weather. Misato used the opportunity to give her and Toji the briefing they had skipped in the car: what NERV was (a UN paramilitary organization founded to combat extraterrestrial threats), what the Angels were and where they came from (we don't know, but they're trying to get to something beneath Tokyo-3), what the Evangelion was (an experimental biomechanical weapons platform with a new, nearly invincible shielding technology called an AT field), and why they needed it (Angels had AT fields as well, making them invulnerable to conventional weaponry, and two AT fields could cancel each other out). Some of it was actually true. It hurt to lie to them, of course, but she knew that they'd run screaming away right now if they knew the truth. (Misato suspected that she herself would do the same if she knew the _whole_ truth—she knew there were plenty of things Gendo was still keeping her in the dark about.)

It was about 4:00 in the afternoon when the transports finally arrived. First was Unit 03, Toji's Eva. He nodded in approval and let out a short "Nice" at the matte-black color, which made the robot look like a walking shadow even in daylight. A bit of a subdued reaction, but then again, he had seen an Eva up close before.

Next was EVA-04. When Misato turned to see Haruhi's reaction, she saw nothing less than pure, unadulterated wonder on the young girl's face. She couldn't really blame her.

Leaving aside the fact that it was a real, honest-to-God giant mecha, and that it was the first time Haruhi had seen one in person, it was 04's specific appearance that was really stunning. The third production Evangelion unit had a silver chrome paint job, which caught the afternoon sunlight perfectly. As a result, it seemed to shine with a light of its own, like some ancient sun god come to life. (Misato noticed that something seemed wrong about the position of the sun in the sky at that moment, but chalked it up to the light being in her eyes.) And this wonder, this god-machine was _Haruhi's_, hers and nobody else's. Misato supposed that anybody would be awestruck in that situation.

* * *

"Wait, what do you mean the sun didn't look right?"

"The position seemed off. Like it had moved down a few degrees, just so Unit 04 would catch the light at just the right time and angle. Only for a few moments, though. I'm sure I just imagined it."

"You're right. Probably just the light in your eyes. I was standing right next to you, remember? I certainly don't remember anything being wrong with the sunlight. Then again, our attentions were on very different things at the time."

"Right. You were moving to check out the Evas, and I was..."

* * *

All was quiet for a few moments as everyone stared. Misato eventually spoke up: "Finally! First guy ever to make me wait this long. All right, get these things prepped for the powerup tests! Toji-kun, Haruhi-chan, follow me to the locker rooms. Let's get you two suited up."

On the way to the lockers, Misato told them about the Evangelion control interface. She didn't get into the technical details (most of which she didn't understand very well herself), but talked about how the biomechanical nature of the Eva allowed it to be controlled directly by the pilot's mind.

"So I just think 'punch' and it'll throw a punch?" Haruhi asked.

"Yes, basically. There are some tactile controls in the entry plug—the cockpit, that is—but they're mostly there to help you with fine motor control. You could do everything while sitting back with your arms crossed and your feet up on the control panel if you focus well enough." Misato thanked her lucky stars that Haruhi and Toji were going to get the chance to familiarize themselves with these things before getting thrown into a combat situation. "Ah, here're the locker rooms. Here." She handed them each a neatly folded plugsuit. "These are your plugsuits. They're one of the many innovations that came out of the Evangelion project—they reduce interference in the neural link between Eva and pilot, and contain a full suite of bio-sensors so we can monitor your vital signs in the command center. The new versions even have thermal regulators that can keep you cool or warm. All you have to do is put it on, zip it up, and press the button on your left wrist to pressurize it."

Both teenagers unfolded their suits and looked them over. Toji examined his blue-and-gray outfit with an expression of vague distaste, but didn't complain out loud. Haruhi's face, though, only brightened even more at the sight of her bright-yellow suit. "Oh, this is totally even better than the bunny-girl costume..."

Misato decided to avoid the question of where and why a 14-year-old girl got a bunny-girl costume. "All right. Suit up, you two. Girls' side is there, boys' side is there. If you need any help with it, just call for me."

To her utter shock, before Toji even started walking to the men's side of the locker room, Haruhi just started changing then and there. Misato rather hurriedly turned Toji around and walked him away before confronting Haruhi, already down to her underwear. "Um, Haruhi, just what did you think you were doing?"

"Changing, like you said." Nonchalantly.

"...In front of Toji?"

"Sure."

"...Did you want him to see your body?" That was the only thing Misato could think of, although given that the two weren't already in a relationship (as far as she could tell), that would be a level of..._forwardness_ beyond anything even _she_ did while completely smashed.

"No. Just didn't care. I have more important things to worry about than the perverted minds of men."

_Oh._ Misato wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that. "But...you know it's not...proper, right?"

Haruhi, who had not stopped changing and now was zipping up the plugsuit, shrugged. "Eh. Don't care about that, either."

At this point, Misato was seriously starting to wonder who exactly raised this child. Time to go for a weak spot. "Listen, Haruhi. It's not my responsibility what you are or aren't willing to do in front of boys..._when you're off duty. _Right now, you are a soldier, you are on duty, and you are expected to meet certain standards of behavior. If you want to stay on with NERV and pilot EVA-04, you're going to have to _start_ caring."

Haruhi froze with her finger hovering an inch above the pressurizer button. She slowly turned her head towards Misato to look her right in the eye, and for a second Misato felt a chill go down her spine. She _knew, _instinctively somehow, that she might have just made a very big mistake.

But then the smile returned. "Roger that, Misato!" Misato noted that the girl had taken her up on the offer of dropping rank or even basic honorifics from her name. Not that she would push the matter now. Haruhi pushed the button on her wrist, and the baggy suit tightened around her. She turned to look at herself in the mirror. "Not bad, not bad...but...Say, Misato," she said with a grin, "who do I have to bribe to get from _this..._" She pointed at her rather undeveloped chest area. "...to _this_?" She moved her finger from her own chest to the older woman's. Poke. Jiggle. Jiggle.

* * *

"So what you're saying is that we have a pilot on our hands that has zero respect for the rules of society, rank, or any kind of authority except hers, and may in fact be an all-out sociopath?" Ritsuko frowned. "Assuming she survived the explosion and...whatever came afterwards, that is."

"She did. And yes, that is what I'm saying. She followed orders well enough after that, though. She knows she can be taken off duty if she doesn't, and I guess she either decided that...removing me would be more trouble than it'd be worth, or realized that it wouldn't actually help her situation."

"_Or_ you're completely misreading one two-second look. Plenty of people can give scary death glares. I can give a scary death glare." Ritsuko demonstrated with an expression that could probably kill most insects and certain small rodents. "That doesn't mean I'm sizing you up and thinking about the best way to stab you."

"Maybe." Misato looked unconvinced. "Maybe it wasn't the expression, but Ritsuko, this girl _scared_ me. Not like the Commander scares people. It was something more primal, like..." She shook her head. "I can't explain it, but Haruhi is _different_. When you're talking to her, it feels like she's not ignoring all these social norms and customs and rules to be disrespectful, or even because she doesn't feel like she's bound by them, but because she _isn't_ bound by them."

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow. "You're starting to sound a little...strange, Misato."

"I know, I know. It's...it's been a strange day. And it only gets stranger from here."

"Go on, then."

* * *

Misato blushed, faked a laugh, and mumbled something dismissive. She _wanted_ to slap the girl right there, or at least yell at her, or _something_, but she was going to treat Haruhi _very_ delicately until she took a look at her psych evaluation. The sight of Toji walking out of the locker room a few seconds later couldn't have been more welcome.

"Jeez, who designed these things, 'n how soon can I sock 'em in the face? Cause...whoa...never mind." He had just caught sight of Haruhi, and was very obviously looking her up and down.

Haruhi paid no attention. _Maybe she really doesn't care. _"Okay, everyone's ready, can we go now?"

Misato nodded. "Yes. I'll take you to your Evas now."

Haruhi stared into the bizarre, spider-like face of EVA-04 with the same awestruck expression that she had worn when first seeing it. Toji had been loaded into Unit 03 already, and there were several hours worth of tests to run before the techs could get started on 04. But that meant that Misato would have to watch Haruhi until then, as well as supervise the 03 tests in the command center. Not a pleasant idea.

So she got a brilliant idea. "Haruhi?"

"Yeah?" Haruhi did not turn around, but continued staring down the silver EVA.

"How would you like to get in the cockpit now?"

_That_ got her attention. "Seriously? Can I? Please?"

"Sure. Toji's not going to be done for a while, so it might get a little boring. I figure you'd rather spend that time inside Unit 04 than outside it." (rephrase this)

"Awesome!"

After Misato cleared this change of plans with Ritsuko, the entry plug for Unit 04 was lifted up to the observation platform where she and Haruhi were standing.

"All right. Now, let's walk you through this. This is the 'Entry Plug', the specialized cockpit used for the Evangelion's unique control system--"

But Haruhi had already run over to the plug, and now was fiddling with the hatch release lever. Misato just shook her head as one of the technicians stepped over to help her with it, and began walking back to the command center.

The command center was a semi-replica of the Evangelion launch station at Central Dogma. Two large screens displayed live video feeds from the cockpits of Units 03 and 04, each accompanied by several other screens showing the status of both Evangelion and pilot. Ritsuko had made a couple minor changes to the test schedule as a result of Misato's impromptu suggestion: they would run the pre-power-on tests on both EVAs simultaneously, allowing Haruhi to acclimate herself to the special conditions while Toji (who had already been in an EVA cockpit) went through the primary test sequences.

Ritsuko switched on the audio link to the EVAs. "All right. Are you both ready?"

"Yes, ma'am!" They both replied enthusiastically, Haruhi somewhat more so.

"Good. First, we're going to insert the entry plug into the Eva. You shouldn't feel more than a slight jolt." They both nodded; then twitched a bit as they were lowered inside. "This next part may be slightly disturbing for you, Haruhi—we're going to fill the plug with a liquid called LCL. It's heavily oxygenated, so you can breathe it like air, but it might feel like you're drowning for a few seconds. Just stay calm and breathe. If you experience extreme discomfort, we can stop it and drain it immediately—just say so, or give a thumbs-down if you don't feel like you can talk."

Misato watched Haruhi's face carefully as the plug began filling up. She kept the same excited grin throughout the whole process. No struggling, no instinctively trying to keep her face above the liquid level (which Toji did quite noticeably). No fear or panic whatsoever. It was like she had done this a thousand times.

Shinji had panicked his first time. So had Asuka. Even Rei had panicked, although it was obviously more difficult to tell with her.

"Are both of you breathing the LCL?" Ritsuko's voice cut into her memories.

"Yeah. It feels really weird, but I'm good to go," Toji responded.

"Yes, ma'am! Also totally good to go!" And there was Haruhi.

"Settle down, Haruhi," Ritsuko said, smiling. "You're not up for a while yet. If at any time you need to get out of the cockpit, feel free to let us know. Now, we're going to run the power-up sequence for Unit 03. Toji, are you ready?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"All right. Begin Evangelion power-up sequence!"

Misato listened to the voices of NERV Technical's many employees—about half in Japanese, half in English—swirl around her. "_Initiating phase one connection...transmitting pulse...graph readouts within tolerance...checklists cleared to 1350...initial contact all clear...Roger, begin phase two._ _All nerve links normal...checklists cleared to 2550...harmonics are normal...approaching absolute border..."_

And then, quite frankly, the shit hit the fan. As far as she could tell, every alarm in the entire base went off simultaneously. Various information boards suddenly lit up with just about the worst possible news: BLUE PATTERN DETECTED.

"_Break the nerve circuits! Abort the test! Mission failure! High-energy reaction detected! Impossible! An Angel?"_

The external cameras from the EVA-03 test cage showed a flash of light, then went to static. A split second later, so did Misato's eyes as a massive explosion tore through the command center.

* * *

"Right...right, it's starting to come back now." Ritsuko frowned as she tried to dredge up more details, but finally shook her head. "Is that when I was knocked out?"

"Yes. I was stunned for a moment and took some shrapnel scrapes, but stayed conscious. The command center was utterly _wrecked_. It wouldn't be going too far to say that there _isn't _a command center any more." Misato matched Ritsuko's frown. "But...now that I think about it...an explosion of that size should've done a lot worse."

"What do you mean?"

"There were no deaths. Zero. Every single employee on base is alive and accounted for, and the absolute worst injuries are some missing fingers. Plenty of minor bone fractures; many concussions like yours, but literally _nothing_ life-threatening. At the time, everyone was just happy to have survived it, but...even the techs who were literally right under Unit 03 made it out with just some minor burns. It doesn't make sense."

"And Unit 03 was the source of the explosion?"

"As far as we can tell, yes."

Ritsuko rubbed her eyes; she could feel a headache coming on. "I'm starting to see what you meant about it being a strange day."

Misato gave a humorless grin. "It only gets stranger from here."

* * *

A/N: HAH! You thought this story was dead, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?! O ye of little faith... (Unless you didn't, in which case you have more faith in it and me than I did at one point.)

I've cut this chapter off halfway through because it was getting a little long for my tastes. (I am of the opinion that chapters—especially fanfic chapters—should be short, easily digestible chunks. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, CHARLES BHEPIN.) It should be noted that this cut-off rewrite is only a few lines short of the _entire_ original version of this chapter.

It's occurred to me that very rarely in the anime or light novels do we ever see someone genuinely pissing off Haruhi. Probably because Kyon, Itsuki, and to an extent Mikuru have dedicated themselves to making sure she stays happy, but also (I suspect) because there are very few ways _to_ piss her off. One of the only ways to do so (instead of merely putting her into 'you are a potato, you do not matter' or 'you are a worthy opponent, your challenge is accepted, prepare to lose' mode) would probably be giving her a direct order to do something she does not want to do while having the authority to back up that order. Poor, poor Misato...

If you liked it, please leave a review and tell me why. If you didn'tlike it, _definitely_ leave a review and tell me why. C2A2: Constructive Criticism Always Appreciated! (Also, I'm sorta-kinda looking for a beta reader, as they're apparently quite a handy thing to have. Any volunteers? I'd need someone at least vaguely familiar with Evangelion...and MoHS...and Naruto...and Fate/stay night...and Mahou Sensei Negima...unless I were to get a different beta for each story, which would get really complicated really fast...but I might need to...)

Next chapter: Eva-04, all systems go!


	3. Online

" 'It only gets stranger from here.' That's the second time you've said that. What else could've possibly happened?"

The mirthless smile remained on Misato's face.

* * *

When Misato came to, she found the command center in ruins. Billions of yen worth of supercomputers, holographic displays, and other ridiculously expensive equipment was absolutely trashed; more importantly, most of the command center's staff was sprawled across either said equipment or the floor in varying states of injury. After checking, and finding herself bruised and banged but not severely injured, Misato stood, trying to decide what to do first. She heard sirens in the distance—good, the base's fire department was already on the way. So then, the first thing to do would be to see if there was anyone who needed immediate help, and then figure out a way to contact Tokyo-3, let them know something had gone--

"_Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me? Misato? Anyone?_"

Impossibly, one of the EVA monitor stations was still online and getting audio from Unit 04, though the screen that should have been showing the video feed was in pieces. Misato ran over and grabbed the microphone, eliciting groans from some apparently semi-conscious staff that she nearly tripped over.

"Haruhi! Are you all right?"

"_I'm fine, I banged my head against the wall but it's not too bad. What happened?_" The voice on the other end was confused but oddly calm.

"Something went wrong with Toji's power-up test. I—we aren't sure exactly what yet, but Unit 3 appears to have exploded."

"_Exploded?! Is Toji all right?_"

"I don't know, I'm not even...sure..." Something caught Misato's eye. A huge chunk had been blown out of the command center's wall, through which she could see a hulking, vaguely humanoid shape, black as the night, walking out of sight. At the same time, one of the last things she saw before the explosion came to mind: a cluster of flashing red screens displaying 'WARNING: BLUE PATTERN DETECTED'.

Misato was fluent in several languages—someone as high-ranking as her in a multinational organization like NERV had to be—and it was her observation that while the nature of the Japanese language made it fairly easy to insult a specific person, her native tongue was woefully inadequate when it came to general, target-less swearing. And so it was that an impressive variety of profanities in English, German, and French filled the air as she rushed to the control stations that had been linked to Unit 03.

They were dead, of course. Mostly smashed, too. There was more cursing.

Leaving Haruhi in the cold, Misato found the communications console. Also wrecked. On the edge of panic, she pulled out her cellphone and mashed in the emergency number, hoping she had remembered it correctly.

"_Thank you for calling NERV GeoFront Base. To--_" The rest of the automated message was lost over Misato yelling "Authorization Katsuragi four-eight-delta-two-nine!" The phone beeped, and within seconds someone was on the line.

"Major Katsuragi. I've just received reports of a large explosion in the Matsushiro area. May I ask what, exactly, is happening?" 'Someone' being Commander Ikari himself.

"Sir, there's been an accident." Misato hurriedly explained what she could piece together to the commander.

"Acknowledged. That fits with the telemetry we are receiving here. Our control systems are in range of and connected to Unit 03, but both the pilot and the EVA are unresponsive. I will give the orders to launch Units 00 through 02 to intercept; you and whatever's left of the Matsushiro staff should attempt to launch Unit 04 as well."

_Fat chance_, Misato thought as she saw a console short out rather spectacularly. "Roger that. I don't think enough of the equipment is left intact to bring the Eva online, though."

"I see. Do what you can, then. Ikari out."

As the line went dead, Misato took another look around. Some of the command center's staff were apparently beginning to recover, and the fire department had arrived. As soon as those with major injuries had been carried out (she noticed with no small relief that there were no body bags), she found a position from which she could face everyone who remained.

"All right, ladies and gentlemen. Here's the situation, as far as we know it. The source of the explosion was Evangelion Unit 03, which has, through unknown means, become an Angel. It is currently on its way to Tokyo-3. The NERV base there is currently deploying Evangelion units to intercept it, but Commander Ikari has asked me to deploy Unit 04 if possible. The fire department has informed me that the building appears to be stable, despite the nice view of the sunset you now have. So. Can we do this? What's still working? I know we still have an audio feed from Unit 04." She wasn't actually expecting results, but she needed to at least give it a shot.

Silence for a moment, as everyone checked to see if the equipment nearest them was still running. Then some muttered cursing and looks of disappointment. Finally, one blond-haired, bespectacled technical officer spoke up.. "This station is still running! The screens're busted, but the one next to it looks good; if I can--"

"Do it."

"Yes ma'am." The tech dove under the desk, presumably to fiddle with the wiring. After a moment, he popped back up to examine his handiwork; Misato could see the light of a computer screen reflected in his glasses. "It's working! It's..." He frowned in confusion. "It's the primary startup system for Unit 04."

Misato knew why he was confused. While any of the smaller terminals like that one could be used to initiate the Eva's startup sequence—they were all linked to the same pseudo-MAGI supercomputer bank much deeper underground, after all—that task had been assigned to the two main terminals at the front of the room: one for Unit 03, and one for Unit 04. There was no good reason she could think of that that particular console would be set up to activate the Evangelion.

For now, though, she wasn't about to question the lucky break. She hurried over to the single active console. "Well? Can we start it up?"

The tech squinted, trying to read the vast array of information from three screens barely a quarter the size of the ones the program had been designed for. After a moment, he turned back to Misato and shook his head. "No, ma'am. The main power lines have been cut off, and the emergency generators are only barely enough to keep the computers running. We don't have a fraction of the power we need to activate the Eva. We could drain the batteries to provide the startup charge, but that would leave it with barely three minutes of power. And the batteries seem to be busted, or at least knocked loose." He tapped a knuckle on one part of the screen; the battery status readout said that they were empty.

_So much for the lucky break_. Misato resisted the urge to kick the very expensive and now very useless electronics surrounding her. _Wait...batteries...now I remember..._ "Isn't Unit 04 different, though? Doesn't it run under its own power?"

The tech frowned again. "I wasn't aware of anything like that; the startup sequence is the same as the one for Unit 03."

"If I could answer that?" A blond-haired man Misato didn't recognize spoke up from behind her in slightly American-accented but fluent Japanese; presumably he was one of the scientists flown in from Area 51. Misato nodded. "Evangelion Unit 04 is powered by an S² engine, and is therefore theoretically capable of operating independently for an indefinite amount of time. However, it still requires an initial charge to allow the zero-point siphon to begin the quantum degen--"

"Spare me the technobabble." Misato wished Ritsuko was there, but unfortunately, her old friend had been carried out unconscious on a stretcher with a bandage around her forehead." Can we start it or not?"

"...No, we can't. It requires approximately the same amount of energy as the original Evangelion startup process, and unfortunately, Unit 04 does not have a battery pack."

_And that's why the batteries are showing as empty. Dammit._ "So we can't do anything."

"...I'm sorry, but no, ma'am. Evangelion Unit 04 is staying put. And so is its pilot."

* * *

"So this explosion _started_ in the test building, and yet left it stable enough for you and some of the staff to stay in there?" Ritsuko's expression had shifted from one of confusion to frank disbelief.

"Yes. And then proceeded to nearly level the rest of the base. The only building left standing for about a quarter mile around is right at ground zero. Apparently, except for that one anomaly, the explosion was equivalent to a medium-yield N2 bomb."

"I'm starting to think you're making this all up to give me a headache."

"I wish I was. And would you believe that when we checked later, those two consoles were the _only_ ones left running? Completely undamaged, too, except for the broken monitors."

"I suppose this is the supreme insanity you've been leading up to." It was extremely weird, yes, but so far Ritsuko hadn't heard anything that would give her a worse headache than dealing with the Evas and the "science" behind them.

"Oh, no. The best parts are still yet to come."

* * *

At that, Misato remembered the most important person in the process of getting an Evangelion up and running. Rushing over to the still-active monitor console, she hit the microphone button. "Haruhi? Are you still there?"

"Yep. I started thinking you'd forgotten about me. What's up?"

Misato explained everything she had pieced together since she had seen EVA-03 leaving the base. "...and so you're stuck here. Stuck in the cockpit, for that matter, since we don't even have enough power to eject the entry plug."

"...You're telling me that my Eva has some kind of super-advanced generator that can run forever, but it won't start up because they forgot to put in the _batteries_?"

That was actually a surprisingly accurate assessment of the situation. "...Well, mainly because we don't have any power. The batteries are kind of a side issue." A side issue that _someone_ in Nevada would be losing their job over, if she had any say in it.

"You've got to be kidding me." Misato could hear actual anger in the Fifth Child's voice now. "This is _bullshit_! This thing is controlled by my mind, right? Can't I just will it to work or something?"

"I'm sorry, Haruhi, but it just doesn't work that--"

"POWER ON! ACTIVATE! WORK, DAMN YOU, WORK!"

Misato didn't even have time to be taken aback by Haruhi's sudden outburst before the tech who had found the working terminal called to her. "Ma'am! There's something happening...I think you should see this."

Misato once again moved back to the console. The tech was pointing to the battery readout on the screen.

As she watched, the empty battery readout seemed to twist and distort itself into a circular dial of some kind. A white bar appeared at the center of the dial, and then, another one atop it at an angle. Slowly at first, then faster and faster, the bars formed a white line spiraling to the edge of the dial. _A...power meter, or something?_

Suddenly, a large number of things started happening on the screens at once. Misato recognized it immediately—it was the entire Evangelion power-up sequence. But nobody had done anything—the A10 nerve connections, the harmonic checks, everything was somehow happening automatically, and faster than any human could do it.

She heard Haruhi's voice again: "See! I told ya, I just had to think hard enough at it!"

Even as Misato marveled at the absurdity of that statement, she looked again at the console's screen. There, dead center, was a window saying simply:

EVA-04 ONLINE

STATUS: NO DAMAGE

SYNC RATIO: 95%

REMAINING POWER: ∞

* * *

Ritsuko burst out laughing. Misato simply stared until the laughs subsided enough for her friend to begin talking again.

"Thank you, Misato...I haven't had a good laugh in I don't know how long. You really had me going there."

"You think I'm joking."

"Of course I think you're joking! 'Thinking hard enough at it'? That's...that's beyond ridiculous. If it was that easy, I hardly think we'd have the whole startup sequence."

"...I thought you might say so. Maybe my version is a little overly dramatic." Misato held up a file folder with a very large CLASSIFIED sticker on it. "You want the official report? It has the Commander's signature and everything."

"Sure."

Misato's face maintained the same faint smile as she handed the file down to her bed-ridden friend. Ritsuko ignored the alarm bells going off in her head and began to read...

* * *

This was not one of Shinji Ikari's best days. Of course, _any_ day in which he had to pilot Unit 01 automatically counted as not one of his best days, but this one ranked pretty low so far. As usual, he had been called up out of nowhere in the middle of doing his homework, and then sent out to intercept the incoming Angel with virtually no intel on what it was or how it fought. This time, he hadn't even gotten a picture of the stupid thing.

He had, of course, quickly found out that the "Angel" was an out-of-control EVA-03, and that it had made short work of Asuka and Rei. And then it started making short work of him. As a result, the black Eva now had its hands wrapped around Unit 01's throat, and the synchronization effect was starting to make it difficult for him to breathe. The audio feed from NERV rather unnecessarily confirmed this: _"Life support systems failing. Pilot's vital signs decreasing_._"_

And then his father's voice. "Shinji. Why aren't you fighting back?"

True, he could break EVA-03's grip rather easily if he wanted to. But... "I can't! There's still a person in there!"

"Irrelevant. It's an Angel. Our enemy."

"The pilot might still be alive! I can't kill another human being..." True, he _might _have been able to kill the Eva without damaging the entry plug, but it would be a long shot, and he didn't want to know what even that might do to the pilot if he was still synchronized.

"It's him or you." His father's words left no room for doubt; oddly enough, this only strengthened Shinji's resolve not to harm Unit 03's pilot.

"No. I'd rather--"

_"New contact incoming!"_ A different voice broke into the conversation. _"It's...it's Unit 04! Uplink established!"_

Silence for a moment, and then several things happened at once. First, a new video window opened in Shinji's HUD, showing a vaguely familiar face screaming a wordless "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Second, the pressure around his throat abruptly dropped. Third, the inky black, vaguely humanoid form that was currently filling his vision was briefly replaced by a silver flash from the left, then by the clear evening sky.

There was another moment of silence. Then, the still-nameless voice from NERV spoke up. _"Did she just...jump-kick it?"_

Shinji got Unit 01 back on its feet, and looked over to where the silver flash had gone. The black Eva was now on its back, at the end of what looked like an impressive skid (which had, incidentally, demolished a small neighborhood). In front of it was yet another Eva, one he had never seen before, presumably Unit 04. It appeared to have also fallen down, although it was already springing back to its feet.

Unit 03 appeared stunned for the moment. Unit 04 took the opportunity to stand straight up and fold its arms across its chest. As Shinji watched, the video feed showed the pilot striking the exact same pose as she spoke:

"Evangelion Unit 04, and Evangelion pilot Haruhi Suzumiya, have arrived!"

* * *

Author's Notes:

And It's An Adventure proves, once again, that it just refuses to die. After seeing Rebuild 2.0, I almost decided to reboot it _again_ and put it in the Rebuild continuity, but eventually decided that that wasn't a particularly good idea.

I really wish I had some kind of skill at drawing; I personally think this story would work much better as a comic than in purely written form. Things like Haruhi doing the Gunbuster Pose at the end...it's hard to make them sound nearly as badass without having the visuals to back it up.

C2A2. Feel free to tell me everything you thought was wrong with this chapter, and maybe everything you liked as well.


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